Poem - Come For The Fake

The pictures on the wall so fake,

Memories of everything

But really they are nothing,

Just a figment of my imagination

Just a fluke creation

Fake smiles plastered on

Empty laughs belting out loud

Of what do they have to be proud?

A broken heart, a broken bond

Conversations flow as normal

Who are they kidding with all things broken?

So many things left unspoken

With life a mess, it’s left me immobile

I look to your pristine face

For guidance you left me no trace

And now anger resides within

This object without a doubt I will win

A fire burns inside,

Yet with a clear mind I see the retched ways of everyone around

All things you all said were a complete and utter lie

But to you we are no longer bound

And I will come

I will come and rise much stronger, much wiser, much fiercer

And I will make you cower the way you made those children cower,

And I will make you fear the way you made us fear,

And I will bring you to your knees

The way you made us bleed

I will make you run but from me I will never let you hide

I will break all the foundations that you broke

All the promises you lied I will throw back in your face

For all the hurt, for all the pain but for most the betrayal

I will never let you rest

To The New Year

The year has finally come to an end and what a roller coaster it has been. These holidays to be perfectly honest with you has not panned out as I expected, much has happened which has changed my whole perspective on absolutely everything but that is life the only thing you can expect is the unexpected. I thought I had seen everything but now I realise that is so not true.

As we enter the New Year I know for sure that everything will change believe me. A friend quoted “Being brave isn't about not being afraid. It's about being afraid and doing it anyway!”  Another motto and ideal I hold close to my heart. This year patience, endurance, perseverance will be tested to the limit for us all but as long as we stay true to ourselves and to what is right then nothing, absolutely nothing can get in our way and even if it does then it will be overcome slowly but surely.

Times will be hard as they usually always are but with belief in ourselves to do the right thing and even if we are afraid to overcome and face those fears we will come through stronger than ever before

Have a Happy New Year

Much love Naz xx 

Poem - Without You

Moments pass in such pain

Time is wasted in all its vain

A grief ever growing within my heart

A sadness everlasting fluctuates inside

Laying eyes on you, truly a work of art

Perhaps tis better that we bide our time

Life becomes so lame

But the flame within it can never tame

Dullness descends and grey clouds loom

Without you

Eyes locked and fingers entwined

My heart to yours is forever bind

Far apart and at a distance you may be,

The world can attempt to drive a wedge in between

Yet without success it will be seen

That our fire is one that has crossed all ages

Away from your embrace

A heavy heart becomes me

Remembering your fingers my hands it traced

Being yours I have become so free

Unjust and unfair for life to keep you at bay

Everything within aches,

All around all things sadden when you are not by my side

All smiles vanish, disappear if it is not your eyes I see

Anger rages, becomes alive

Each moment you are not near

For living without you I cannot bear

Rather strike my heart with a million knives

Because loosing you is what I truly fear

Tutors

The blog before “My Affliction” seemed quite negative and although I do stand by what I said about how everything changes once you enter the adult world I must give credit to all the wonderful tutors that I have had who have always played a vital role and influenced me in many, many ways. So without further ado I will attempt to go through and thank all the tutors who have been there for me. And this is not because I have been forced to write anything of the kind but through my own choice. It is funny how the system is but there are so many who go unnoticed.

Who to start with? Ermmmm...

Ms Lumb: my tutor in secondary school from year seven till year eleven. Never will you come across one who genuinely cares about your future than her. Regardless of anyone’s bad behaviour she continuously gave second chances all the time without fail. No words to describe how amazing she is. In everything that I embarked upon I was could count on the support of my tutor. Even till this day I am still in touch with her and she is as amazing as ever.

Mr Goldon: primary school teacher and occasionally I do make contact with him. Back in those days I had a very unstable time due to the frequent changes in schools. However when I came to the final one I found the security I need and the inspiration to write dawned here.

In secondary school again there were several sources of inspiration and guidance Ms Ilobi, Mr Arbuah, Ms Broadbent. In fact I would say my list is quite extensive. Despite the fact that I have been so critical of the “system” I could never fault the tutors who have played such a vital and instrumental role in my success for without them I would most certainly not be here. 

My Affliction

I know I said the next blog would be dedicated to my lovely tutors but I really wanted to talk about something that has been bugging me for quite a while now. And that marvellous topic is depression. For several years now I myself have become a victim to this and it is monstrous. Lately however I have been attempting to be more proactive in trying to overcome this and like everything else it is not easy. And it is not as if once you overcome it it will be gone forever far from it. Any little trigger can bring it all back on again.

There are many times when even walking seems too difficult but one must push past the negative thoughts. Depression is not something to be overlooked and after talking to my tutor I realise that people do take it seriously much more so than me – the one with the affliction.

Some of you may know what it is all about and others may not. Many people “suffer” from this. It hinders absolutely everything, physical pain can usually be overcome but when there is this emotion inside you it darkens and dampens everything. Every small task becomes excruciatingly difficult. Facing the world just is not an option, I know from experience that I would much rather hideaway locked inside beneath the duvets.

The things that will bring you back up will always appear daunting. Simple things like seeing a friend, taking a walk, cooking (I love to bake) are what will bring you up again.

Again I don’t mean to preach but I always seem to, sorry about that but writing is one of the ways that helps me out. Somehow my fingers and heart just type away and everything seems to flow out.

There are times when your heart is continuously pounding and worried for no reason. You hide away from family, friends, uni/school and work when in fact the avoidance makes it all the more worse. As hard as it may be there are people out there who genuinely care and will do what they can to help.

A few weeks ago after speaking with my tutor I finally handed in my self- referral form for counselling. Usually I don’t talk about myself much; the personal side of things that is, but like I said this topic is really close to me and is something I want to share so that you all know – for lack of a better phrase- that help is at hand. The first appointment I was given I could not attend and after going through a lot of dates the lady making the appointment was so very nice to me and I finally have an appointment for next week.

You may ask why am I depressed but J that is something I won’t share.

Sometimes it may appear that those with their heads screwed on most tight, who seem to be perfectly focused are the ones to be suffering from this affliction but that is not always the case.

As hard as it is for those of you in the same boat make sure you try to remain proactive. The smallest of things make the biggest of differences.

Here is a link to our university’s counselling service:

http://www2.gre.ac.uk/study/support/counselling

The Million Shades of Grey

The rant below is partly my reflection inspired of what I saw in courts today. I hate living in the knowledge that there is so much suffering around us and that it seems barely anyone cares and even if we do the big fat cats do what they can to ignore and suppress that voice. 

The world has enough wealth to sustain the whole population. For each person to have a roof over his head, be fed and clothed comfortably but because we live in a selfish money orientated, materialistic society the rich just get richer and the poor just get poorer. No longer can you just raise some cash and pay for your property or land. Nooo! One must take out a mortgage and pay extortionate amounts laden with interests so that all the fat cats can be fed. If you rent then you will still be paying a laughable amount of money and in the end the landlord could not care less. There maybe thousands of faults such as broken windows, damp, lack of hot water, cracked roof etc but they could not be bothered.

Day in and day out thousands upon thousands are being made redundant through no fault of their own and whilst they are innocent, hard working and grafting and scrimping and saving for every penny to get by the fat cats just get fatter. A company may go bust, lose all of its assets and money but directors get off scot free. They will lose nothing (refer to Salomon v Salomon). Of course this is just said having read cases and seeing first hand people hanging on to all that they have by tips of their fingers nails.

Before they teach you anything at school they teach you first how to say please and thank you, they teach you to not use your fists then you grow up and you realise everything was a big fat lie because in the adult world they do not use fists, no, they instead use a creative variety of guns and bombs and have wars.I believe our society is the way it is because people are only important depending on what is in their wallets, only high profile people are given high consideration whilst the rest of us rot and even whilst the few good people try their best to help the rest out the big fat cats will do whatever they can send them back down.

Take a good look around you.  How many people know what the word empathy means? In our third year there are 100+ yet how many of us truly know what it is to empathise? I am not saying I am great etc, far from it but there is a lot that could be changed in all of us. 

 “The world has enough for everyone’s need, not everyone’s greed.”

~Gandhi~

When you are young everything everyone teaches you is black and white. And then unfortunately when you grow up the curtain is slowly lifted and the reality, the truth is revealed and all you can see is a million shades of grey. 

For more information on these issues check out:

http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs311/en/

http://www.worldhunger.org/articles/Learn/world%20hunger%20facts%202002.htm

(The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the University of Greenwich - Ed.)

Journey To Court

Dreadful start to the day. Despite checking over and over again on how to get to Bromley North Rail Station nothing went according to plan. TFL being as useless as it is gave me the wrong information for the third time now. Getting to London Bridge was not a problem. TFL informed me to take a train towards Grove Park and then get off at Bromley North Rail. Utter nonsense! Why? Because as I found out, much to my dismay, I had to get a shuttle service from Grove Park. In my head I asked “What on earth is a shuttle???” okay fine I thought, annoyed but not that bad because I could still make it on time. Waiting for the 9:14 I think it was train via Grove Park it arrives a minute early, even better. Get on train and then disaster, no lie the information box thing changes and says something else as the next destination. Am not blind nor am I a liar but something seriously went wrong today. So then I try to get off and guess what the door slams shut in my face. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I should have changed to an academic subject ahem.

Next stop Lewisham which took around 15minutes to get there. So on arrival it is time to find yet another person to hopefully provide the correct information as to how on Earth I am meant to get to BNR whilst containing my anger and frustration which of late has been increasing due to the sheer number of rude people there are. So Mr Man that works there says to get the 9:34 from Platform 2. Now at this point I am seriously considering calling the office and telling them that I am sick. Instead I get the other line to the office from a friend and inform them that I will be late despite having barely any credit and what is more my other line keeps automatically rejecting private calls, me being the bimbo that I am have no idea how to change the settings. Not much I can do despite pressing all the buttons. So the train that I am supposed to get at 9:34 turns up at 9:38. It just gets worse. Arrive at Grove Park which to me looks to be in the middle of nowhere ahem and yet again I waddle off to find someone to ask where can I get the shuttle service which turns out to just be another train so why they call it shuttle is beyond me:-S Platform 1 is far, far away from all the rest of the platforms hidden and tucked away in a small corner. By the time I get on to the shuttle service it is already 10ish. I am now more than half an hour late and could positively shoot myself. I finally arrive at BRN around fifteen minutes later and still have yet to find the court. The county court was easy to find so I go in and ask for my supervisor only to be told that she is at the Magistrates. So now in tears I plod along to the Magistrates, go through the security and ask them where can I find my supervisor they inform me to ask at General Enquiries who are rude beyond belief and say they have no idea who that is without even checking. Luckily I remember the man at the county said court six so trying my luck I went and check and huzzah!!!

Despite being ridiculously late my supervisor was an absolute star :)

(Wow that was really long)

(The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the University of Greenwich - Ed.)

Video Blog

Hey Everyone!

You will never guess what I have just been doing! Hehehehe am just laughing at myself now because it is so embarrassing! Anyhoo I was asked can’t remember the exact words but our beautiful Uzma asked if or how I would carry on with the blogs once uni is over and this is an idea I have been toying around with for a very long time. Soooo ahem we all know YouTube and how you can upload things so I thought I would try my hand at it and I made two videos and omg!!! It is so embarrassing! I don’t think I can do blogs like that. The people who do upload themselves wow they must have a lot of confidence but I don’t think I am that confident to speak as articulately as I think I can write. If I do upload them I will share a link with you all.

21^st November

On a completely different note here is a quick rant on the subject of packed trains. Ooooh indeed! I do realise that it may be peak times and people want to get home etc but I find no reason as to why some people think it is okay to pack the train so  much that there is hardly any space between us. There is no point in this! It is not very pleasant. I for one do not want to smell your perfume ahem or other odours or have your hair in my face nor do I want anyone else’s body being close too mine. Today was absolutely ridiculous. After a long day at uni the last thing anyone wants is to be ahem felt up by other passengers. Come on people!! Let us have some courtesy and decency to respect each other’s persons. Yes we all want to get home but it should not be sardine packed and to the point where we will are forced to stand on each other’s head.

We are always way too much in a rush. Rush to get to work, rush to school etc, rush to shop, rush, rush, rush. Me thinks the people of the cities have forgotten all about how to relax and joy life. Remember that you can try and make as much money as you like but one: money cannot buy you happiness, two: money cannot be eaten and three you can’t take it with you ;-) 

Mini Update!

Hi Everyone!

Feels like it has been ages since I last wrote but anyhoo things are going ok. Law is difficult as ever. For a while I was thinking of changing placement to an academic subject but I guess now that it has been a few weeks since I have been there I am getting used to it and I am in some ways learning a lot and not just about how the law works but I guess it is a glimpse into how life would be liked if I chose that path but as I have said I really don’t think I would be happy in that career sooo I have begun the process of applying for a PGCE which is as you may or may not know is usually done through a website called the GTTR. My initial thoughts are to hopefully do it part time and find some sort of job on the side as a training teacher assistant. For those of you who are familiar with UCAS the process it is very much the same. You have around four choices to pick and you will need to write a personal statement which in my eyes is always hard work.

Coursework’s are now being handed out and our very first piece is for Equity on the Constitution of trusts. Ahem yes another hard topic. Well as usual no one said it would be easy but hopefully I will manage to get through it hehe.

Family as always keeps my interest and the coursework is surrounding the issue of artificial insemination – a really tricky subject indeed. In the lectures people tend to get quite emotional etc me included though I try not to get so cloudy headed and attempt to focus on the law itself but as you will realise eventually sometimes that is a bit hard to do what with personal experiences and what not.

On a completely different note this Saturday 19^th November is Greenwich’s Open Day across all of our campuses so come along for more information regarding the law or whatever other subjects is that may interest you. We all look forward to seeing you there!

Bye Bye Law

When I first began Law I had such high hopes. This had been my dream since the tender age of twelve/thirteen and yet now in my final year after such a long and intense battle within me I realise just the let down it has been. The law is not for me and me not for it. I will work hard to finish this year off and then I can move on to what my heart calls out for. The lecturers are amazing talented people who I respect and admire with all my heart but I cannot do it. I cannot. Perhaps later on I may change my mind or the fire may be rekindled but for now my heart is set on this. For so long I have dreamt and fought so hard to do this but like I said at the beginning I wish to inspire you all and I know for sure that I cannot inspire with the law.

During my second year at university I had many privileges of working with a school environment and looking back on that I can feel how much I enjoyed it. How fulfilled it felt, how satisfying. The research now almost completely done I shall commence to make applications for a PGCE. I have also come across a really good website which enables one to look for work in a school environment as a teacher or teacher assistant etc for those of you interested here at Greenwich we do offer PGCE’s so call in or visit our website for more information.

Before starting my placement I was told that people who had previously worked there gained a lot of confidence and flourished and perhaps it is only because I have not been there for too long that I feel such dismay but I know that deep within my heart that I can no longer do this. The people there are amazing well accomplished individuals and they have all of my admiration and I hope I can give them my very best until it is all over but I know now that this is not where my heart is. For those of you interested:

http://www.academicsltd.co.uk/

To Teach or To Practise? Now that is the Question!

The question that continuously plagues my mind what I should go into as a career is Law or teaching? Hard stuff as applications for take in for the next year are open and I need to make up my mind fast. Law as you all know has been my dream for yonks but am I really cut out for it is the main question I ask myself? One of the most important thing I have learnt is to be happy life is way too short to be miserable and we must do what we can to make ourselves be happy and to spread happiness everywhere we go. But then like I usually say one must find a way to pay the bills and maintain a roof over one’s head.

As part of the ambassador scheme I have had a great many opportunities to be a mentor to those aged between 14-19 and I find it so fulfilling. To be able to spread your knowledge, expertise and experience to others is a wonderful thing. I aim to inspire. I aim to help others and the law is a great tool in which one can do that but is it really for me. As I may have mentioned before the way to change the world, make it a better place etc can be done through various means and I think for me it is probably the ability to (I think and really hope I do) to inspire, to reach deep into people’s minds and give them cause to rethink things. I think the age group I am interested in is the most fascinating. They go through so many vital changes, experience many life altering events and to have the opportunity to be there and guide and help them through it all is what I really would like to do.

But then to just give up on the law something I have been doing for the last four years of my life? Something which I have struggled but believed in so much and to just make such a big change is a huge decision.

Who knows I still have a while to go. Perhaps the best course of action is to apply for both and make my mind up later...

All About Kitty

What an eventful weekend, quite emotional. Kitty as I mentioned before was pregnant only I did not realise just how far gone she was. Over the week I finally managed to get her a place at Cats Protection so Friday night I talked my sister into letting her stay the night so that I she wouldn’t go off and I wouldn’t have to chase her. You can guess what happened next. 

It was around 2.46a.m that I woke up hearing her meowing. Not only that I heard other meows that I know was not her voice so I got up to inspect and low and behold two babies had been born J  One the eldest was black and white and the youngest was like a mini tiger stripy black and white tabby like. The rest of the night I stayed up monitoring Kitty and the babies.

I was quite concerned that she was still quite big and worried that there were more babies still in her so I called up numerous vets to see what they advised. Most said that it would be best to take her to a vet. This was all around six in the morning. Having done some research on the internet I came across articles that stated it may be an interrupted pregnancy which usually takes 24-36hours. I called up Cats Protection and updated them on the situation and they reassured me that they would still take her in. I thought to wait it out for a while as Kitty was not in any distress and was eating and acting normally.

A few hours later I had a friend come over and then after speaking to him decided to wait on it still but being as worried as I was I called up my local vets and they told me to bring her and the babies in immediately. I hate taking her on journeys as she gets so distressed but after seeing the vets we were given the all clear no more babies on the way. She was just bloated because her bladder was full which he released. I was so relieved! We went home and I called up Cats Protection who informed me that I could bring her in on Sunday L . For most of the night I did not sleep just continuously kept an eye on mummy and babies. They were all fine.

The next morning was emotional and sad for me having taken care of her for so long. On the way there I got a bit lost but found it finally. The people were all so excited at the prospect of having my little babies and each moment my heart was being broken. If only people took proper care of their pets. The neighbours who had at first said she belonged to them later when she was pregnant with the second litter said she was not theirs well what can one do? Whilst I could I took as much care of her as I possibly could and now I know that eventually she will find a better home and be looked after properly. The babies I have been reassured will not be separated and I can call them at anytime to find out just how they are doing. Bit sad but it is for the best...

Back To Basics

Back to basics. I seem to have gone off too much of tangent, way off track and forgotten the real reason why I wanted to write these blogs in the first place. At least that is how I feel. I feel like in all the worry and the frustration of exams and re-sits I have overlooked and taken for granted the many beauty of things around me.

I wrote in my first blog to you all that I wanted to share this journey with you all, the good things as well as the bad but lately I feel all I have been doing is telling you all the bad things and taking these blogs for granted. The feeling of which I began this had been forgotten to me but its better late than never.

Sometimes in life bad things happen, it is inevitable like death... sorry to be so morbid but that does not mean that we linger and pontificate (great word isn’t it!) on it. Life deals us a certain card and we deal with it the best way we can or sometimes not the best way. In any case what the important thing is what we take out of it. To learn, to change, to better ourselves from it. Past is past.

And yes it will occasionally loom over us like a dark cloud in winter and sometimes that dark cloud will burst and will pour down on us with memories we would rather forget... but we must not forget. Never forget the bad because it will make you take for granted all the good. Around us we have so so very much. The world at the tips of our fingers, food so easily gotten, communication (texts, emails, telephones, mobiles, letters, fax BBM stuff etc) so easily overlooked. I hate to be preachy. That is not my intention. My intention is to inspire. To show you all the beauty around you even if does appear so ugly.

I’ve complained about bills and rent etc but at the end of the day I have a roof over my head. I have a laptop in front of me in which I can write this to you, in which I can go on Twitter and Facebook etc and keep in constant touch with my friends. A whole library can be accessed through the touch of a button which saves me from paying to go to the library. All around us there are so many people who can barely afford to eat so what is there not to be grateful for when our cupboards and fridges are well stocked up?

I have the privilege of working for my beloved university and there are so many people out there who are out on the streets in the cold selling magazines i.e. Big Issue sellers or playing music just to make ends meet.

Life despite its obstacles is simply beautiful and we should be grateful for all the small pleasures we have because there are so many out who are not as fortunate as we are. Let us never forget.

xx

First Day of Placement

Hi Everyone!

Apologies for the lack of blogs lately. I have attempting to settle into back into uni and my! What a task that is!

In the simplest way: everything is terribly difficult L lots of reading to do, more than usual but hey that is law for you.

Today was my first day at placement; luckily I had a colleague with me so it was not too bad. Errrm to be honest and I can be so brutally honest on here it was not what i expected. What I expected was a really busy law firm with masses of people coming in and out but that was not the case. In fact it was relatively quiet in kind of small-ish place. The morning was ahem dull perhaps because it was the first day and we are new etc etc. We were given extremely brief details as to carry out certain tasks such as filling in forms when there was a caller with a legal query. I have no previous experience in working within the legal environment so perhaps that may explain my lack of confidence although as I have mentioned before I have major confidence issues hehehe.

Anyhoo I was privileged enough to be able to sit in on one of the appointments with a client but of course I cannot divulge the conversation that transgressed between the solicitor and client but it was an eye opener, quite educational and emotional too.

In the afternoon things perked up a bit and I started to enjoy it a bit more. I was placed on the phones and again I am unable to tell you the nature of the calls but most of what I did was to take down personal details and details of their enquiry. The day of course did not run smoothly for one I felt I almost broke the photocopier but I did not I just pressed the wrong moment ahem *bimbo moment* and also completely forgot that I should fill in the same form if another agency were to call on a clients behalf...lesson learnt J

Much of the time when I am at uni and thinking about all these fascinating solicitors and barristers I think of what their journey to law must have been like so today I took the liberty of asking the solicitor if I could be presumptuous enough to ask how she got to her position and as I asked this as I was about to leave she kindly said she would not mind and that topic could be left for next week. I look forward to it and hopefully I can be more proactive and engaging with them though I realise that they are busy with much more important issues.

Aside from placement the more academic side is going swimmingly... NOT... Company law is a puzzle to me still. I seem to be surrounded by a vast majority of people who understand it without even trying. No amount of reading and studying seems to aid me but it is still early days and I guess I look forward to the challenge.

Equity is, surprisingly not as hard to understand as Company Law, it is a vital course as it will affect everyone at some point in their lives. I will go into more detail about this later on as I am still getting used to the language that Equity uses.

And as for Family Law we have only had one lecture so far (the lecturer being absent last week) but it is the topic that most fascinates and intrigues me. Already emotions are flaring and horns are locking of some of the issues brought up. Again I will write another blog on this issue hopefully later this week so as to give you an idea as to why everyone is getting worked up.

Hopefully I have not bored you too much. I know usually I try to leave a little inspiring message but for the life of me I cannot at the moment think of anything perhaps just to stick to it no matter how hard it gets, hard work will pay off eventually.

Ooooh and guess what Kitty is pregnant yet again ahem J

Another Ooooohhh University of Greenwich Open Day this Saturday! So come along if you have any questions and would like to visit the university. Welcome Talks start at 10:00 and all of our campuses will be open.

Look forward to seeing you there J

And so it all begins again!

Lectures have begun and the work is already pilling on! Again welcome to uni life! For those of you who have just joined us I give you a hearty welcome and I hope you enjoy your time at uni. For a lot of people it has not been an easy journey but who said it would? As well as all the parties and those sorts of things which I do not actually indulge in make sure you focus on your studies because although some say first year does not count towards anything it does go on your record and writing from experience it is not worth screwing up your chances thus make sure you attend and participate. Sorry for being such a nag but once you enter your third year of Law you will realise how much all these words make so much sense.

My personal aim for this blog this year is to try and make the whole “getting a career” process a heck of a lot easier. I myself find it utterly confusing when everyone starts talking about LPC, BPVC, training contracts etc so as I educate myself on these issues I will be passing that information on to you but of course do not rely on my words. Make sure if indeed you are serious about a career in Law that you do your own research.

As you know last Friday was induction and we were privileged enough to have with us QC Tim Barnes who is Chair of University of Greenwich Law Advisory Forum, who shared his wonderful wealth of knowledge with us and regards our university very highly. In his own words he described our uni as having an “extremely high reputation” and in regards to our mooting society said “the standards of mooting at this university is extraordinarily high”. My reaction.... YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

From my personal experiences I have had several negative comments about this uni which I do not agree with and to have someone such as Tim Barnes say such amazing things is simply amazing for lack of a better phrase. Am sure last year I mentioned we were privilege enough to have Lord Neuberger to visit us. So everyone watch out for people coming this year!

Among his advice the first thing he mentioned which to me is key, is the matter of confidence; one must have confidence in oneself, something of which I lack completely believe it or not. “Seek advice from anyone who can provide it. Do not be afraid to ask.” Time and time again I mention in these blogs to go to your tutors and ask for help etc maintain a relationship with them because you will need their support at some point or another. It is all about NETWORKING!

I know I am being very preachy/naggy but we have been given such a wealth of advice that I cannot keep it to myself. The moment QC began talking I thought of writing a blog based around the advice he has given us. Another issue he mentioned is as obvious as it may sound we all make silly mistakes but to double check your work for those irritating errors such as typos, grammar, punctuation etc.

Use your vacations/holidays wisely. Try and try and try to gain as much experience within the legal field. You will probably be rejected many many times but if you do not apply you will never know so go ahead and try.

And along with all the hard work do enjoy yourself. This is a once in a life time experience you will meet all kinds of people from all walks of life therefore make the most of it whilst you can. You only live once so seize every opportunity.

Third Year Finally :-D

Hi Everyone!

I realise it has been quite a while since I last updated the blogs. To be honest I was awaiting the results letter to come so I could have confirmation of whether or not I go into third year. Anyhooo WebCT says I have passed so now I just await the letter. So Yaaay I guess. That was really hard.

I have also decided what my final modules will be and they are as follows: Family, Company and Partnership Law and placement (Law in the Community) and of course equity is compulsory.

Unfortunately as it hasn’t been much of a summer much of the things I wanted to do have not come to fruition, alas but never mind there will be plenty more opportunities in the near future. The days have been mostly filled with job applications, flat hunting and watching Agatha Christie’s Miss Marple and Poirot.

I would like to consider myself a movie buff so here are some of my favourite all time movies perhaps you all may enjoy:

·         You Can’t Take It With You

·         What Dreams May Come

·         Mr Deeds Goes to Town (the old black and white one)

·         Bringing up Baby

·         It’s a wonderful life

·         It happened one night

As you may come to realise these are mostly old black and white classic movies most of which are by Frank Capra (one of the best talents ever) which are probably better than most of the movies that come out nowadays.

A couple of weeks ago the last of the kittens finally went to his new home L but below are some pics of his time with me. I miss my lil babies so much but I know they have all gone to new happy homes.

In regards to starting third year I have mixed feelings towards starting the new academic new: scared, apprehensive, nervous, excited but yes, mostly terrified. I realise the mistakes I have been making over the last few years and look to correcting this in the months to come. I am sure you all share some of these feelings. Pray tell how do you all feel about starting?

Much Ado About Nothing & Carnival

Hi Everyone!

It seems to have a very long time since I last updated these blogs. In all honesty I have not been up to much. I have written an article for Sui Generis, the law paper for our uni, hopefully it will be used so if it does I’ll let you all know.

As for third year results shall hopefully be out next week and this time let us hope I actually pass and get in. I have been think a lot about my options and am contemplating whether or not I should go for the placement or not. I thought it would be a good idea to network and make contacts to help me further my career in law but on the other hand I much prefer the idea of studying the academics in more detail. Placement requires me to keep an up to date log and well the last three years have shown me that I cannot do this well so perhaps it is not the best of options. My other options are: Evidence, Family and Company and Partnership law. But as of yet I still have not made up my mind.

Last weekend was the carnival, the first one I have ever been to and it was so much fun. So nice to see so much talent, music and just a friendly gathering of so many people just out dancing and having a good time. I also went salsa the other night which was so much fun. Greenwich itself has a Zumba society to if you are joining us this year check it out J

Criminal Law Exam II

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Omg! My exam is this week! L

Part of me feels so panicky and the other half honestly does not care anymore. I am at a point, actually I think I’ve been at this point for a very long time, but I no longer really know if I am smart or clever or even wise. I just say a lot of things that I believe in whether am good at it or not is always for someone else to judge I suppose. Where was I going with this? Oh yes! Well I would love to pass but I have failed so many times I think part of me expects myself to fail because that seems to be what I am really good at. At the moment I am too hyped up on nerves for that to depress me or perhaps I am just so use to this thought that maybe it no longer bothers me. Who knows? What’s the word am looking for? Paradox? Yes I think that is it.

So criminal is on the 18^th August I hope you are all keeping your fingers and toes crossed for me. I really need it. Doing law has been my one and only ambition (apart from helping others etc) let’s hope I make it.

I did make use of one of my lecturers. He has such an amazing brain. The whole department have such amazing minds. Being in there presence I feel like a pebble compared to a mountain. So I wrote a few answers to some past exams questions. And guessy what? For rape I actually got & 72% yea miracles do happen and hard work does pay off. Of course there were some criticisms and also perhaps the fact that I did not do it under timed conditions may have helped in getting that grade. For the other paper which was duress by threats paper I got 64%. Now that’s all well and good but I do certainly hope I can manage that for my actual exam.

Oh here is a really useful tip: when you commence second year you might want to consider getting a mini suitcase thingy because carrying all those books can be quite heavy and bad for your back if like me you put all the weight on one shoulder.

If like me you are doing re-sits then I wish you all the very best of luck

P.s  Who likes the pics?

Third Riot, More to Come?

Yet again I find myself writing to you about the events of last night. Another night of mindless rioting. When will it end? This year 2010/2011 has been atrocious both personally and globally. I hope this nonsense shall end.

Despite wanting others to stay indoors and others warning me I did venture out initially to take pictures but my destination diverted to see my girl. But I must admit it was terrifying, perhaps I was watching too much news and seeing too many posts on Face Book and Twitter but what I saw speaks for itself. So many groups of youths some in balaclavas and others openly with them heading towards Wood Green, some on foot and others on bikes or in cars. My heart racing I focused on getting to my destination. Who knew that the mindless thugs would spread now hitting East Ham, Croydon, Peckham, Lewisham, Birmingham and Liverpool. Yet again more houses are set alight and people being robbed even whilst injured. Why do we have a group of mindless young folk acting out in such a despicable manner? They surely do not represent the rest of us who have ambition, who have manners and respect?

Walking down the high street this morning was weird, on a day like this it should be packed with families, youngsters and masses of people but it is unusually quote. There are still some thugs about; two were inciting the public to join the rioting. For shame!

At a time like this we need to come together as a community and clean up this mess. I would also like to clean up the thugs but let us leave that to the hands of the law and hope that justice shall be eked out swiftly and severely. Let us not forget the words of Lord Philip

“Justice must not only be done but should manifestly and undoubtedly be seen to be done.”

Seeing the Damage

Ok now I know I have just written a blog about this but I just went out to the local library and also met up with a friend so we could see the damage done. I should have taken pictures but the thought only just crossed my mind.

We walked around Wood Green and it is an appalling sight. So many shops have been looted, windows have been broken, so much stuff has been stolen, it is terrible. Carpetright and all the flats above it have been completely burnt to a crisp, the only thing that remains on the streets are remnants of bricks. When will the people learn? Amongst the retail casualties: HMV, JD Sports, Body Shop, N22, H&M amongst the few to name.

Our community in complete shatters. But then whilst walking down the high road everyone muddles through and tries to carry on as normal, you can feel the tense atmosphere, business is slow and some shops closed. Dark clouds above us and the heat of the night is still amongst us. People are thinking how long will this carry on? Let yesterday night be the last. So many areas have been hit by these mindless thugs: Tottenham, Wood Green, Enfield, Edmonton, Ponders End, Brixton and all the while the question on the public’s mind is why wasn’t anything done to prevent this atrocity?

We are living in hard times. Jobs are scarce, the price of education unfortunately has risen at an all time high, public spending has been so severely hacked at that we find ourselves asking what hope is there left? 75% of the budget for youth services slashed. When will the powers that be hear the voice of the ones that put them there? Don’t forget if they made you then they can break you.

Once the people are hungry enough they will come fighting. Let us hope things change quickly for the better soon.

For Shame Tottenham!

Dear Tottenham,

What on Earth is wrong with you?! The events of the last few nights have been appalling to say the least. I am disgraced and ashamed at everything that has happened. As if things weren’t bad enough already now it has got worse and I know for sure that we have not seen the last of it.

The streets were deserted, shops looted, businesses ransacked and homes burnt to cinders. Why? Why? Why? Are our lives so fickle that people must move to such stupid measures? Can people not realise that such idiotic acts will not get anyone anywhere? There is only so much violence and thoughtless acts will get you. Fair enough you may be angry and feel things are unjustified but ruining other people’s lives and means of livelihood will make them hate you all the more and these are the people whose support you really need.

But who am I kidding? I am talking to an audience that is not listening, that will not get this message. And yet as always I try.

I have grown up and lived in north London for the fair majority of my life and never have I seen such disgraceful acts right on my door step. Like I said to those of you who read this there is something that our educational establishments cannot teach and that is: courtesy, manners, chivalry, honesty, bravery.... you catch my drift?

Let there be no more of these mindless acts, let there be no more unjustified hate, no more relentless anger.

I am not saying don’t be angry or to ignore the other side’s wrong doing. I am merely saying as many before me have said to use that anger in a constructive manner that will not harm other people’s lives. We need to come together not to go loot Wood Green or Tottenham High Road and burn people’s homes but to strengthen our community, to make our streets safer to walk in, for the next generation to be able to play freely in. We should be proud of our diverse multi-culturism, it should not be something that racist people can attack us on and say to us to go back to our own country. We make London what it is.... diverse, friendly but most importantly welcoming to all others. We need to come together to reinforce this because this is what we really are.

Contradiction

No patience like a saint

So hot tempered and quick to anger

Fury plays on your mind and always does it linger

But deep inside the heart is so tender.

Words fall from your lips so pristine

With all ears do I listen, ever so keen.

Your shoulders alone do I want to lean

A heart like yours? No. Never have I seen.

Like a playful cub biting and clawing...

It is so simple; your lips are the only ones I want to keep kissing.

Violent mind with scars to bear

Betrays the heart that to me is so dear

A voice that can raise hell                                                                               

Yet when whispered and sung makes all the angles dwell

On all sweet things to him they forgot to tell

But on this fallen angel his words do make her eyes swell

So wise and yet so foolish

All in all he is just so simply boyish.

In his arms do I long to be

To know the truth of our reality

But this dear broken heart is in so much doubt

Even though all hidden things have been let out.

Need only to be in those arms, looking deep into those eyes

For my heart to know your words are no lies

To remain by your side

Forever can I swallow life’s disgusting bile.

It is with you only that I want to argue

And yet always will I remain true

An enigma to my mind

Somehow my heart you’ve made so blind

Entwine my fingers with yours; lay my head upon your chest

Victorious we will come through all of life’s tests

Crazy, erratic, confusing

My heart for you has long been searching

Perhaps now with each other we can find some solace.....

On Life???

An internal turmoil,

That is infamously called life.

It causes us nothing but strife

In everything you do so hard you must toil.

A heart that feels nothing but frustration,

Caged like a bird in all its desperation.

To escape and be free,

Would be such a sweet victory.

A mind plagued with the concepts of duty,

Will always be a burden of too much responsibility

Like a black crow that guards the tower

My feet are grounded unfortunately forever.

Hands chained and feet shackled

Life has me always in its grip tightly buckled

No net of safety, no air bag to soften the blow

This life has me at an all time low

They say patience bears sweet fruit

But here is the honest truth

Life is nothing but a big brute.

Keep drowning in this abyss

Would much rather an eternal sleep

And feel nothing but ignorant bliss

But life has its claws seeped into me way too deep.

Walking through thorns

Is this really why we were born?

Gliding through fire

Who knew life could be so dire

And so we struggle in this never ending fight

To feel that piece of happiness so bright

With clipped wings, chained hands and shackled feet

From this blood-thirstiness of life can we never retreat.

~The Poet~

Re-Sit Revision

Hi all, how are your summer holidays going?

So thought I would catch you all up on my “summer” so far. But what can I say? Much of my time is now spent on revising and applying for jobs and I just feel so rubbish about it all. Yet again I feel the same insecurities as before. Fear of failing only this is my last chance to get through to the next year. And all the while all I really want to do is curl up into a ball and hide away from the world. Being in this position yet again is deflating. I ask myself time and time again if there is any point in carrying on? I do love my course, it is challenging to say the least but even more so rewarding when I do actually pass something. A part of me thinks if I have taken the right course but this has been my dream, my goal since the age of twelve/thirteen. Believe it or not before law I did actually want to do archaeology.

Plan B: in the event that I do happen to fail my re-sits I intend to do a legal secretary course with the Institute of Legal Secretaries and PA’s. Before this I had every intention of just leaving the country and teaching English in a country far, far away but as that is not the most practical and ideal solution, I googled, believe it or not, “what happens if I fail my Law degree” and somehow I came across the legal secretary course which now seems to be the better course of action.

But I cannot help the feeling that a big part of me just wants to throw in the towel in and give up. My sister suggested that perhaps it would be best to just cut my losses and move on but then I would be a fool to not take up all the opportunities to carry on with my law degree. I have said before and I do mean it when I say that academic studies/intelligence is not everything. There are many things that the educational institute cannot teach you i.e. manners, chivalry, courtesy, common sense etc

Whilst sitting on my perch the neighbour came out and we had a really nice chat. Well, he talked and I listened. There are so many friendly people out there. And he was speaking to me about everything how life is now in cities is just so rushed, everything we do is rushed. People rush off to work, school/college/uni, to shop, to meet people but why so? Why can we not just take our time and look to admire life in all its beauty and enjoy it?

Everything has a time limit, education and work. Two things that dominate our lives, we just cannot escape it. None of us can escape this sad fact of life. And once education is over there are jobs which come with bills and insurances to pay: car, life, home etc. Tell me when does all this nonsense stop? Even life has a time limit and we should make the most of it and enjoy it.

Speaking to my neighbour and the security guard at my local library they both tell me the same thing life is too short and you only get one chance at it so you need to do what makes you happy. Look before you leap. I looked hard and toiled much to get here and to remain here on this LLB course, it is much harder than anyone can anticipate. But that is just my experience.

The journey carries on, the toil and the struggle. Everything will fall into place as it should...

If I just had one more chance

Sometimes I just want to give up

I look into your eyes

You stare blankly back

I reach out to hold you

And like a frozen statue you remain

So I shrivel up inside

And slowly continue to die

Aching to feel your kiss

To be held in your arms

To be protected by you like I know I should

Just like everyone else

Dying every day just to sit beside you

To be fed by you

To listen to your voice

To learn all the things you never got to teach

To be taken care of just by you

Just to hear your voice one more time

To feel your kisses on my hands

Those last ones... they’re still sweet on me

And yet still so slowly I die... without you

And I know with no trace of doubt

That each tear shed

Would be a smile if you were here by my side

If we just had one more chance

But now you’re all just bones and dust

And there is no one else I can trust

If we had just one more chance

I would tell you “take me with you”

I would ask you “why leave me behind

So alone without you?”

If I just had one more chance

I would hold you so tight

I would tell you just how much I love you

If I just had more chance

I would be happy just to say your name

And hear you say mine and that you love me back

If I just had one more chance

But now you’re all just bones and dust...

Kitty

I wonder what it feels like for you

To be so free, so elegant, so poise

I wonder what it’s like to be so free?

And yet so caged by man

I wonder what it’s like to have a cute button nose

Wonder what it’s like to look at the world through your big

Beautiful Disney eyes

I wonder what it is you feel

Wonder how broken your heart must be

Wonder how it must be not to shed a tear

I wonder how it feels when they place their tiny paws on your tummy

Then I wonder how lonely it must be

Wonder how much joy you feel every time they follow you, annoy you, bite you, hold and curl up to you

Then I realise and try to feel the grief you feel

When they don’t return

I wonder if... I wonder if you regret your form

To be separated, torn apart, no choice, no say

Wonder how broken you must be

But then I think and realise I know... I know

Just exactly how you feel...

To loose everything and to have nothing

To be torn apart, kept alive, with no one there by your side

I know...