I guess you could call it an early life crisis. Perhaps, maybe.

Ever felt that no matter what you do it is never good enough? That no matter how much you try to study you will never be that smart? You will never become the master of your art? Perhaps that is the same for us all.

I try and try and try and it just keeps knocking me back but for some reason I keep on trying. Why I ask myself? There is no longer anything keeping me back. Break out and away from the status quo. Leave it all behind. Take my suitcase and just keep walking. Does the concept of life scare you? When did it all become so confusing? So complex? All so based around and on money?

For so long getting to this point has always been my goal and thankfully I have reached this far. Unfortunately to realise that or come to realise that this is perhaps not what I want.

On the Open Day I see, like I said in the previous blog so many who know and do not know what they want. But that occasionally changes, life happens. I see so many successful faces and personalities. But what makes them successful? What do you define as success? In my own one word and I guess in the view of many others it would be happiness. But dear readers, happiness is a journey not a destination (Father Alfred D’ Souza). Why so? Because happiness does not last (Buddha), nothing does, apart from perhaps love; you need to be able to fight for it. There will always be obstacles, always be hurdles, things will always get in the way and try threaten it. And our job is to fight for it, realise its worth and appreciate it.

How are we faring in this journey? I told you that I would take you on or rather attempt to share my journey with you. And I have been lucky enough to share these thoughts and experiences with you. I attempt to give hope, to bring what little light I can, to share what small knowledge I have with you.

My journey has been one filled with thorns but I am not bitter. I know there are so many people, so many others who have a worse fate than mine, people who sleep on the Earth as their bed and the clouds and the sky as their blankets, people who cannot through no fault of their own are unable to feed themselves. At least I can eat, at least I can work, at least I can study. If there is one great lesson my daddy taught me then it is this: be grateful for what you have.

Like I said I am not bitter, I am not ungrateful, I am not greedy for more, I am not complaining but I am confused, just slightly. My happiness lies in serving others. That is my only goal, the only thing that fulfils me. But the real question is how to conquer this feat? My first step is to finish my degree, difficult, extremely difficult. And then how to help? Is money really the resolution? Teach a man to fish. Words can only do so much. Yes, it will echo through the ages (Mother Teresa). The ability to inspire millions but is that enough? Deep down inside I know the answer: nothing will ever be enough. Can anything ever be enough? In a word: No. So knowing this vital piece of information, do we, I, continue on this journey which will have no end? Which will have no resolution? Again I know the answer. Yes. Why so, when it is so pointless? Because it is about never giving up for what you believe in. Tedious as it may be. Keep trying, no matter how pointless it may seem to the world, if you believe in it then keep on after it. Life is never about winning, it is about wanting to win (Vince Lombardi). It is about fighting for what you believe in. Doing the right thing.

So many people complain about how rubbish life is and I have been one of those. In that situation go talk a walk, plug some music into your ears if you can and just keep walking. Think about nothing, have no destination, just walk and then at some point it will all clear. If you cannot walk then write, sing, paint, stitch or knit or do a puzzle, you catch my drift? Life in itself is beautiful, it is situations that drive us to hate it, to despise it but situations can be controlled and influenced. Sooner or later everything will fall into place. Trust in yourself.

Much Love the Poet

R. I. P    N ά N

xx 

Biking, Kitty & Open Days

Hi there dear readers!

I must learn to take better care of my draft blogs because as usual the one I prepared earlier is now lost. Anyhow I thought I should write mainly in the hope that it would de-stress me. I have nine tabs open all on cat pregnancies. Last night my sister thought the cat was about to give me birth but having watched the cat carefully all day I find nothing has happened. However, me being me I am extremely worried to say the least. I believe you all have seen my kitty, beautiful isn’t she? Anyway I will continue keeping you posted about Kitty’s pregnancy. All the research I have done freaks me out but hey I managed Bunny Daffy ok so this hopefully shall pass with not much hassle.

I have finally learnt how to ride a bike. Many people mainly children but a few adults were very rude and condescending about my not knowing how to ride a bike and were so very mean that I would just give up and go back in doors. But with my sis and Kamal encouraging me I finally picked it up.

So next on my list of things to conquer is learning how to roller blade. No easy task. The main problem I guess would be the fear of falling but then the fear of falling is worse than actually falling.

This weekend Greenwich had an open day, it always amazes me seeing floods of potential students coming along and attempting to plan out their future. Some are excited, others nervous, so take it easy within their strides whilst others want to reject it and be nonchalant about it. Seeing their reactions and watching them listen to the advice offered always fascinates me.

Good luck to them.

The Concept of Justice

For our modules next year we able to choose our modules. You get to choose three. I believe I chose Family Law, Evidence and Company Law; Equity is compulsory. I also chose to do Law in the community which is a placement but in order to get this we had to write a covering letter in which we described what justice means to us and send an updated version of our CV’s. The next step is interviews which are pending.

Now see the part where I wrote about what justice means to me had me really stumped. Why? Because I think, in all honesty, it is just an idea, everyone’s view of what justice is different. For one it may mean to give out punishment which is equal to the crime committed but then you can argue in the words of our Gandhi that “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind” and that if you fight fire with fire all you end up with is ashes (someone I cannot remember who said this) etc.  For others it may mean giving the guilty party a chance to change and be rehabilitated.

Justice is a hard concept to define. I think I know what it should be but is my idea of what justice is and what it means of much importance; I am of the belief that one person’s idea of is not as important as a collective of ideas. Everyone’s idea of justice differs; in order for justice to function efficiently it needs to be a concept which the public can agree upon.  It is merely a concept, an idea of retribution, revenge and rehabilitation. The idea of justice should be great, it should drum fear into those foolish enough to break the law; it should give hope to those have been erred and should instil in the lives of victims a feeling of great pride, satisfaction and admiration for the country and system that they are part of.

But if I had to go along with any sort of view it would be in the words of Lord Phillips:

“It is of fundamental importance that justice is not only done but is manifestly and undoubtedly seen to be done”

That way it should satisfy everyone, right? Any thoughts?

And finally whilst talking to fellow blogger Remco I told him this: that life is too short so: do what makes you happy, life is too short to be sad.

Much Love

The Poet

Trying to Hide

Thought I would write a quick blog. Not much happening in the world of summer holidays just as it should be. As I mentioned before or was thinking it rather, this year (this part I have mentioned) has been really tough and I just want to hide from everything for a little while. I do not want to work or see our beloved university. It is not that work is horrible, quite the contrary, in fact, the people are fantastic to work with and yes you will meet people who will be friends with you for life. Is it so bad to want to hide from everything? Sometimes no matter how good it may be life gets in the way and all you feel like doing is hiding from everything and possible hibernating.

Unfortunately I will not be working with the Clearing team this year but everything happens for a reason, and my reason is because I will have to retake some modules this summer. So much for trying to hide away.

Here’s a poem:

The Earth shall crack and soon the Sun shall burn, the roads will flood, trees will droop down low, the song of birds will be silenced and only the sound of tears will ring.

The flesh shall be seeped deep with maggots, the wind will be violent and with it bring much vengeance, it will penetrate the hearts of man and drive cork screws through his stubborn brain, the waves of the oceans and the hurt of nature will soon be very much felt

Droplets of rain are drumming their beat, shhh, stay quiet listen well to the rapture of which it speaks.

Can you feel the thunder within your heart; can you feel its heat? Can see Mother Nature’s power, do fail to realise you are weak?

Open up your soul, welcome the truth within, soon it will end, and you will know to do the right thing...

Summer So Far

Hey there Readers, how are you all faring in life?!

I thought I should update you as to things I have been occupying my time with which is not very much I’m afraid to say. As promised to myself I have had a few swim sessions, it is so wonderful to be able to float and swim albeit it not be the oceans. Writing still gives so much peace of mind; does it do the same for you? I picked up a few books from my local library those being:

·         No Second Chance; probably my favourite contemporary writer: Harlan Coben

·         A Greater Evil; Natasha Cooper

·         Dark Echo;  F.G Cottam

·         Heart of Darkness; Joseph Conrad

The first one most obviously is my favourite. Dark Echo made an interesting read although a bit long winded, it should have focused on the issue of the boat or alternatively a better read should have been set in the past. A Greater Evil was not that great to be honest, I found myself skipping to the end to see what would happen; I would have to say boring in one word. The final book I have yet to read so I shall begin that tonight and will be reading more of the classics since they are considered classics for a reason.

I have also taken up a new hobby which is some sort of wood craft puzzle, admittedly I received help on this one but I promise the next one I will show you each stage as I go along. Advice is golden and I am the fool who refused to take heed (more fool me, She says to herself). Number each piece but I didn’t and the whole thing had to be disassembled. Anyway enjoy the picture, more to come. I love to work with my hands. Oh and it is and is meant to be a reconstruction of the Temple of Heaven.

Perhaps I will take up sculpting, who knows or maybe that is the influence of A Greater Evil.

Adding to my list of places to visit: Camden Town, magnificent and so much culture, so much diversity, for me it is a beautiful feast.

I look forward to sharing the summer journey with you, dearest readers; already it has brought much laughter and so much more sadness with the unfortunate demise of one of my beloved bunnies. I think I have used this before but it does say so perfectly what I can never articulate but I take only two lines:

“...shadow of annoyance

Never came near thee...”

If you can then I suggest taking the time out to read one of my favourite poems, Ode to A Skylark.

Many people will not understand my love for animals but they are such joyful creatures, they never complain, they have so much character without ever making a sound, they so easily win your hearts, they never hurt you except the occasional nibble and they are extremely cuddly. Like I said before it has been a tough year so at least temporarily the academic side is over even if just for a while.