Poem - Come For The Fake

The pictures on the wall so fake,

Memories of everything

But really they are nothing,

Just a figment of my imagination

Just a fluke creation

Fake smiles plastered on

Empty laughs belting out loud

Of what do they have to be proud?

A broken heart, a broken bond

Conversations flow as normal

Who are they kidding with all things broken?

So many things left unspoken

With life a mess, it’s left me immobile

I look to your pristine face

For guidance you left me no trace

And now anger resides within

This object without a doubt I will win

A fire burns inside,

Yet with a clear mind I see the retched ways of everyone around

All things you all said were a complete and utter lie

But to you we are no longer bound

And I will come

I will come and rise much stronger, much wiser, much fiercer

And I will make you cower the way you made those children cower,

And I will make you fear the way you made us fear,

And I will bring you to your knees

The way you made us bleed

I will make you run but from me I will never let you hide

I will break all the foundations that you broke

All the promises you lied I will throw back in your face

For all the hurt, for all the pain but for most the betrayal

I will never let you rest

To The New Year

The year has finally come to an end and what a roller coaster it has been. These holidays to be perfectly honest with you has not panned out as I expected, much has happened which has changed my whole perspective on absolutely everything but that is life the only thing you can expect is the unexpected. I thought I had seen everything but now I realise that is so not true.

As we enter the New Year I know for sure that everything will change believe me. A friend quoted “Being brave isn't about not being afraid. It's about being afraid and doing it anyway!”  Another motto and ideal I hold close to my heart. This year patience, endurance, perseverance will be tested to the limit for us all but as long as we stay true to ourselves and to what is right then nothing, absolutely nothing can get in our way and even if it does then it will be overcome slowly but surely.

Times will be hard as they usually always are but with belief in ourselves to do the right thing and even if we are afraid to overcome and face those fears we will come through stronger than ever before

Have a Happy New Year

Much love Naz xx 

Poem - Without You

Moments pass in such pain

Time is wasted in all its vain

A grief ever growing within my heart

A sadness everlasting fluctuates inside

Laying eyes on you, truly a work of art

Perhaps tis better that we bide our time

Life becomes so lame

But the flame within it can never tame

Dullness descends and grey clouds loom

Without you

Eyes locked and fingers entwined

My heart to yours is forever bind

Far apart and at a distance you may be,

The world can attempt to drive a wedge in between

Yet without success it will be seen

That our fire is one that has crossed all ages

Away from your embrace

A heavy heart becomes me

Remembering your fingers my hands it traced

Being yours I have become so free

Unjust and unfair for life to keep you at bay

Everything within aches,

All around all things sadden when you are not by my side

All smiles vanish, disappear if it is not your eyes I see

Anger rages, becomes alive

Each moment you are not near

For living without you I cannot bear

Rather strike my heart with a million knives

Because loosing you is what I truly fear

Tutors

The blog before “My Affliction” seemed quite negative and although I do stand by what I said about how everything changes once you enter the adult world I must give credit to all the wonderful tutors that I have had who have always played a vital role and influenced me in many, many ways. So without further ado I will attempt to go through and thank all the tutors who have been there for me. And this is not because I have been forced to write anything of the kind but through my own choice. It is funny how the system is but there are so many who go unnoticed.

Who to start with? Ermmmm...

Ms Lumb: my tutor in secondary school from year seven till year eleven. Never will you come across one who genuinely cares about your future than her. Regardless of anyone’s bad behaviour she continuously gave second chances all the time without fail. No words to describe how amazing she is. In everything that I embarked upon I was could count on the support of my tutor. Even till this day I am still in touch with her and she is as amazing as ever.

Mr Goldon: primary school teacher and occasionally I do make contact with him. Back in those days I had a very unstable time due to the frequent changes in schools. However when I came to the final one I found the security I need and the inspiration to write dawned here.

In secondary school again there were several sources of inspiration and guidance Ms Ilobi, Mr Arbuah, Ms Broadbent. In fact I would say my list is quite extensive. Despite the fact that I have been so critical of the “system” I could never fault the tutors who have played such a vital and instrumental role in my success for without them I would most certainly not be here. 

My Affliction

I know I said the next blog would be dedicated to my lovely tutors but I really wanted to talk about something that has been bugging me for quite a while now. And that marvellous topic is depression. For several years now I myself have become a victim to this and it is monstrous. Lately however I have been attempting to be more proactive in trying to overcome this and like everything else it is not easy. And it is not as if once you overcome it it will be gone forever far from it. Any little trigger can bring it all back on again.

There are many times when even walking seems too difficult but one must push past the negative thoughts. Depression is not something to be overlooked and after talking to my tutor I realise that people do take it seriously much more so than me – the one with the affliction.

Some of you may know what it is all about and others may not. Many people “suffer” from this. It hinders absolutely everything, physical pain can usually be overcome but when there is this emotion inside you it darkens and dampens everything. Every small task becomes excruciatingly difficult. Facing the world just is not an option, I know from experience that I would much rather hideaway locked inside beneath the duvets.

The things that will bring you back up will always appear daunting. Simple things like seeing a friend, taking a walk, cooking (I love to bake) are what will bring you up again.

Again I don’t mean to preach but I always seem to, sorry about that but writing is one of the ways that helps me out. Somehow my fingers and heart just type away and everything seems to flow out.

There are times when your heart is continuously pounding and worried for no reason. You hide away from family, friends, uni/school and work when in fact the avoidance makes it all the more worse. As hard as it may be there are people out there who genuinely care and will do what they can to help.

A few weeks ago after speaking with my tutor I finally handed in my self- referral form for counselling. Usually I don’t talk about myself much; the personal side of things that is, but like I said this topic is really close to me and is something I want to share so that you all know – for lack of a better phrase- that help is at hand. The first appointment I was given I could not attend and after going through a lot of dates the lady making the appointment was so very nice to me and I finally have an appointment for next week.

You may ask why am I depressed but J that is something I won’t share.

Sometimes it may appear that those with their heads screwed on most tight, who seem to be perfectly focused are the ones to be suffering from this affliction but that is not always the case.

As hard as it is for those of you in the same boat make sure you try to remain proactive. The smallest of things make the biggest of differences.

Here is a link to our university’s counselling service:

http://www2.gre.ac.uk/study/support/counselling