Tuesday, 31 May 2011

Bugsy

Death is something we cannot escape
And with it our hearts do break.
Always have I accepted deaths wonderful break
Of life that brings so much fakes
But who can deny the emptiness it leaves in its wake?

My heart empty,
Smiles stolen with all its grace
Life left hallow and nothing left in its place
How can I show the world my saddened face?

So final and complete
Leaving us all so very bleak.
Its certainty so bitterly final,
Why must it leave us so hollow?

No words to describe the misery inside,
No sincere laughter can hide.
A creature so kind, beauty so divine,
All of my love left unfound.

Never could you speak
Of all the things you felt
And now your absence has left me so weak
No choice but to play the cards fate has dealt.

In my heart I know yours was a love so pure,
That no one can compete,
The happiness you brought
Makes all else obsolete.

It is one thing life cannot teach
How to bear and overcome death,
Even when witnessing your very last breath
In my prayers are filled with wishes for your good health.

Silent tears are wept
And a broken heart left.
Alas, you cannot return
And so all I do tragically mourn...
You...

Friday, 27 May 2011

A Touch of Heaven

Thinking about that first day, sat side by side,
Hearts closer than any of us dared to admit
Crossing such a forbidden boundary,
Truly breaking all the rules,
I let you come close.

Your hands find mine, creeping upon me,
Each trace you make with the tips of your fingers
Makes an everlasting scar on my heart
You will live there permanently.
You still refuse to say a word.
I am more stubborn.

You stood close behind me
Almost just a breath away,
It’s killing me, the intensity
Of your presence, truly.

Nothing revealed, but the tone of your voice,
The lightness of your words
Then I think of how I asked you over
My heart pounding as I let you in
Racing with each utterance of a word

Our fingers entwine,
Instantly I know you,
Your lips find my forehead, a kiss...
A touch of heaven blesses my soul.


Message from the Poet:
Certain requirements have been imposed that blogs need to be of a certain word count but in the world of poetry and literature it is almost impossible to always be within certain constraints and the majority of the times I can conform to this rule but I think this one ends quite well and so I cannot find any way to add to it that will please me.

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Never did I think...

Never did I think it possible to feel this way,
In your heart I wish to stay
A feeling indescribable, an emotion undeniable.
It is your words that has awakened my soul
Am fearing to give you my all.

You came blazing into my life on your modern day chariot
Causing so much havoc.
Chaos descended and order no longer followed.
Everything that once was no longer is.

Am looking into your eyes
I feel such disbelief, could this possibly be?
My hand on your chest, am feeling your heart
I feel such bliss, I know that this is....

You’re holding me in your embrace,
And the world dissipates
I’ve got you tight in my arms,
And I’ve no care for everything else.

Am watching you from across the room,
Wondering if you are feeling it too?
You catch me gazing and then I so badly want to tell say that I...
We’re close and still I’m pining, longing
Hurting to be closer to you.

Our eyes locked
Hearts so overwhelmed
Am fearing to let you go
Parting although temporary
Tears my heart to shreds

Emotions running high,
Thoughts overrun
All I can do is think of you

We’re lying together
My eyes tell you this that
I was made just for you...

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

End of Exams

A big, warm hello to you all, my dearest readers!
Guess what?! The torture is finally all over.... ahem that is until I get my grades saying I need to retake something but whatever we shall cross that bridge when we come to it.
Right now I am finally relaxing listening to some beautiful Tamil music. This summer if I have not already mentioned will be a period for me to fuel my soul with some much needed culture. I miss reading novels, literature, poetry, philosophy etc
Here is my list of things to do:
·         Trip to France
·         Rock climbing
·         Being a fish, plenty of swimming
·         Learn how to roller skate
·         Learn how to ride a bike
·         Learn how to horse ride
·         Ohhh! Get some much needed rest
And I’ll keep adding to the list as the days go by.
On the topic of music my favourite all time musicians: A.R. Rahman, Yuvan Shankar Raja (contemporary Indian musicians), Mozart = mind blowing and breath taking till this very day.
I was meant to update you as soon as the exams were over but it was just so nice to relax and do absolutely nothing! Friday I literally spent the whole day on bed watching movies. Saturday I went swimming with my sister and taught her how to dive and swim under water and believe me I will be swimming every weekend or at least a few times a week. This week I still need to get some necessary things out the way. I really should go to the doctors but who likes doing that? Still need to drop off coursework to uni.
Oooh I’ve almost learnt how to ride a bike but people can be really mean and make really horrible comments but I will get the hang of it. Horrible people can be off putting but if we let every comment get to us then we would never get anywhere in life. I tried the roller-skates and one of the wheels came off ahem :-S well what really happened was my I held the bike whilst my sister rode it and the rest is history, probably was not really a good idea, oh well.
I know that many of you will still be having exams. Like I have said a million times before it is hard but it will be over soon.
Much Love
The Poet
p. s.
Here is what Kitty thinks of revision :

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Last Day of Revision

Ok so it’s the last day of revision for me. I cannot explain to you well enough how erratic my moods are. Sleep deprivation, stress and anxiety have some very serious effects, and yes I know I said that we must get enough adequate rest but I did tell you that I was not doing that already. When you’re in constant fear of exams all reasoning disintegrates. I am so very cranky and irritable and I do not mean to be. This is what lack of sleep does to you. I plan to go into hibernation once it is all over. All my body wants to do is collapse, such mental stress exerts me. Dearest Red Bull is the one thing that is keeping me focused and awake.
Last exam is the Law of Torts: 3hours and 15minutes for this I have chosen to do 1. Trespass to the person 2.Vicarious liability and 3. Psychiatric injury.
Trespass to the person: assault, battery and false imprisonment. And the Tort in Wilkinson v Downton.
Vicarious liability enables the imposition of liability on one person for the Torts committed by another.
Psychiatric injury involves my brain being physically in cable of handling these exams. No, not really, it involves in Laymen terms mental trauma, in a nutshell.
I really am so tired. I hate to moan so much but seriously exhausted here. I hope somehow by some miracle I can muster enough courage to go through the next 48 hours. Truly excruciating pain that I can no longer handle. My entire body shakes from all the stress and honestly I can tell you I have never been this worried over any exam before. But with no other options just have to keep pulling through. Just one last hurdle, the hardest of them all. The finishing line is in sight, do you choose to slow down or race as fast and as hard as you can to make it through to the other side?

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

Library Rant

Ok here is a quick rant. Today at the library not good, students of Greenwich. Me thinks me needs to remind some students of library rules.
I know I was in the group study area and of course you are permitted to talk but - -BIG BUT there is no need to shout, why do people think that they need to talk LOUDLY. It is a library, whispering is cool and keeping your voices low is a really good idea! Indoor voices and yes I know we all speak differently but we all need to have some consideration for those around us. Nobody needs to or wants to hear your life story or your weekend shenanigans. This is exam time and we are under enough stress already. Keep your social life out of other people’s ears. Today felt like being in a marketplace.
Another thing: phone calls are allowed, fine with me but there are vibration options and failing that just put the ring tone volume down! Even in the silent area someone left their phone on loud and it just kept on ringing and ringing disturbing absolutely everyone. Not so cool.
Oh and one more thing there is something in life, a very great thing called courtesy and manners and it really does make life more pleasant so if you have your bag on the table and someone comes to sit at that place move your bag. NOT ROCKET SCIENCE. Your bag is not a book to be studied and we all need to make use of the space that we have so please everyone let’s just pull it together.
This does not reflect everyday at the library but today was so noisy I actually had to move. A little thought goes such a long way and makes everyone’s life so much more pleasant.
End of rant

Better Mood; One Exam Left

One more exam left: Torts, Three hours and fifteen minutes. Chosen topics: Trespass to the Person, Vicarious liability and Psychiatric Injury.
Physically I am drained; I cannot keep awake without the aid of some energy drink. I think the sale of energy drinks must be so high at this time of year. I have met a few very nice people over these last few weeks; the intensity of these exams somehow brings us all closer. We after all are in the same boat. I sit in the library and despite all the anxiety and confusion over myself and my career I know that I am surrounded by the future teachers, doctors, engineers, business folk, lawyers and it fills me with such a great pride for them that I am able to share this experience with them.
Before my Criminal Law exam (which by the way I chose to do: Insanity and automatism, rape and duress and necessity) I was in tears so I went to speak to my tutor who was not actually there so instead I went to speak to Chris, one of the most amazingly talented lectures this uni has, who seemed very busy marking but on seeing me asked me to sit. I told her how I felt and even though I am not the only one who feels this it does not always reassure me. At times quite often during exam periods I get the feeling that I am not good enough. Yes, I have made it this far but it has not been easy and that fact makes me feel as though I can no longer do this. Anyway, having said all this through snot and tears she reassured me that of course now was not the time to panic and let fear get the better of me. There have been many who walk through those doors feeling just as inadequate as I am. I know I repeat myself but it is for a reason to keep us all and myself going. We all say that “we cannot do this”, that “we cannot cope” but when you look at it we are, we get up, go to the library or our desks and revise as much as we can. She also told me to cram in as much as I could into my head.
Through my experience over these last few weeks I have realised one very important thing and that is to SLEEP! You must, me included, get enough rest otherwise your entire system will go kaput, it will disintegrate. I have found myself in two of my exams that I almost fall asleep and it is such a big fight within me to stay awake and continue writing. Make sure you have a routine, it will help you immensely. Nobody likes it but you should do it. I know I sound like a nag but I mean the best.
And again repeating my point about lecturers, at first they appear like these super human being with quite obviously such a vast amount of knowledge and it may appear that they do not care but if you have any problems and concerns or any issues in your life like so many of the rest of us do then make it known to them. The earlier you tell them the more help and advice they will give you and they are just human after all with their own problems etc and you will find as I have that they are quite understanding.
Again my sincerest wishes of luck to you all.
~Much love the Poet~

Monday, 16 May 2011

This will not be a very nice blog.

I just came out of my Criminal Law exam, a cruel three hours and fifteen minutes long. I at times am a realist and this was by far the worst exam I have ever had the misfortune to sit. I will be re-taking and I know this for a fact. After the exam I went outside the library with a friend for some fresh air and just sat on the floor, literally just sat right out on the floor and if I could have thrown a bigger tantrum believe me I would have. But that might get some extra weird stares from all those around. I felt like just laying there and hoping that the world would open up and swallow me whole.
I am in a very bad mood, upset, frustrated, tired, sad, annoyed, and angry and any other synonyms you can find. I will not be spreading words of hope today; this is just about me, my experience, my fears, disasters and my catastrophe of a degree. I have said before I am not academically gifted I cannot write Law for anything. Just one more exam and I will be able to have a small amount of rest till I have to re-take the exam in the summer.
I sincerely hope that you are doing much better than me. And yes I am moaning a bit and I feel completely useless but if I give up that will be the easy way out and that is not worth it. These tears and frustrations and knowing that I stuck to it till the very end of worth so much more. And like I say (stealing someone else’s words)

“Winning is not everything. Wanting to win is...”

Before Land, off on tangent

So am at uni attempting to revise for Land but suddenly feel very tired, thought I would take a few moments out and catch you all up on the madness that is what this is all is. I asked a friend to call me early in the morning to wake me up, I think that is probably the most effective method of waking  up J I believe at five thirty. My mantra: only a few days left, five, five uni days left but just so very tired of it. Physically need to sleep and let my body rejuvenate. It is all very well being at uni etc blah but truly when we all get into the world of work, what kind of institution will truly make us sit three hour exams? Me thinks that ought to be in breach of some sort fundamental human right. It is too much stress and pressure on one persona. Yes, eventually it is do-able and we majority will find the mental strength to do it. I told you these next few blogs would only focus on revision and exams. I am repeating myself most likely next year the same theme shall crop up again.
I have recently over the last few months been questioning myself over my choice in doing Law. I chose this degree with the belief that I could use it to make a change for the better in this world and I still hold the belief that Law can change things but now I realise that perhaps, maybe that a career in Law is not for me. There I have said it, out loud and proud to the world at large. There have been numerous people who have also questioned and have been puzzled at my choice but what can I say. The Law when used correctly is a beautiful, magnificent tool but I am feeling that it is not the right tool for me to use to spread what knowledge and belief and wisdom I have. Oh my! Cannot believe I am finally admitting this out loud. What will the law department think? But I am happy. I am happy that I have realised this now and I am happy that this thought does not scare me. I guess it is the acceptance of it all. See my original plan was to hopefully graduate, do LPC and find work as a solicitor in a Law firm now it has slightly changed. I find myself being a jack of all trades and master of none. Like so many out there I guess I am still trying to find my way; still trying to find the career for me.
I said much early on and even in my profile that I aimed to inspire and for long now I have realised that the way for me, I believe, to spread the inspiration it to teach. To infiltrate the way people think and make them see things differently. That is the way to do it. I still love my degree, it brings me so much pain and it is so very hard but I love every moment of it. Pleasurable pain. I know that at the end of it I will be so much better off, it will open a vast many doors.
I remember A- Levels I was offered Critical Thinking. I remember my tutors words clearly “You are la crème de la crème”, cream of the crop, the smartest, most able. And with my degree, at any stage it is not that you cannot do it, it is only and just because life gets in the way. Just remember that there is so much more to life than uni and a degree. And it may seem like order, may seem sensible but then where is order in sitting an exam for three hours or staying up all night, not eating, not resting just to finish off some assignment which a few weeks down the line you will undoubtedly have no recollection of. Such is life huh? Sometimes we should not take it so seriously, I hope somehow in some lil way my words do not fall on deaf ears. And some may say that I am talking without knowing anything but then each to their own. Ahem, guess I went off on one of my tangents but first things first let us get these exams out the way and finish university before making the next career move. All things in moderation.
Academic intelligence is not everything. There is something called Wisdom and you will not learn that in any school, college, university nor any institutions. You will find it on the streets, on the dusty dirt ridden roads, in the deepest darkest oceans, you will find it in your friends, in your family even in your enemies. And it is Wisdom that will truly enlighten you.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Sunday Library

Thought I would take a mini break and write a short (ish) blog about the exciting topic of revision again. I may as well tell you that the next few blogs will really just be about exams and revision, usually during this period I focus on nothing else but exams. But the summer time shall be full of my mini stories and tales of my laziness and adventures.
But first things first just want to give a quick shout out to my beloved readers, some of which commented on last week’s blog: Zainaa and anonymous and anonymous ;-) It is such an honour and privilege to know that there are people out there reading these blogs and that I in some minute form am able to share some hope. They say:
“If you have knowledge, let others light their candle in it.”
~Margaret Fuller~
I find writing this stimulates my thoughts and relaxes me just a bit.
So, again I am in my local library but I do not feel so great, I feel drained of all energy, physically almost incapacitated but by some force something inside keeps pushing me forward. I keep repeating to myself “just a few more days, a few more days and then I can collapse.”
I have mentioned, although not elaborated on, the fact that this year has been quite difficult for me and there comes a time where even the mighty shall fall
“Pride comes before fall”
And even though this is extremely late even I admit I need a lil help so I am putting in for extenuating circumstances. All year long I have had this thought and belief that I could manage and yes I have managed but there have been too many times that I have come very close to throwing in the towel so before I do that all other avenues must be taken. I have worked hard, for too long to let all this go so I bow my head and admit I need that help. And like I said I am not alone, having spoken to one of my lectures briefly she advised me to speak to my tutor and make a claim for extenuating circumstances. Sometime is seems as if your lecturers are robots, they come in talk at you for two hours, give you a seminar for an hour and disappear, as if they have no feeling and are only concerned with those students who get the highest grades but no it is nothing like that. When you make the time and effort to speak to them you will realise that once upon a long time ago they were in exactly the same position as you are in. Life, huh? Sometimes we are so busy focusing on ourselves we forget they have a beating heart too.
“Keep the hope alive.”
“Were it not for hope the heart would break” ~ Scottish Proverb

Friday, 6 May 2011

The last few yards

Ok, so I thought it was time for another blog. This way I can reassure myself and you, dear reader.
I am here sitting in my local library just having got off the phone with my girl. My heart is racing, I am, if not already hysterical, panic attacks coming and going but hey this is uni life, it will never be easy, it is all about the tears, the frustration, the anger, the feeling of being alone and isolated. Am hating every moment that goes by all I want to do is have these exams over and done with so that i can collapse, breathe and be free from all this stress. But truly, there are only ten days left of exams and then it will all be over.
Keep my head down, I read and re-read my notes, the lecture handouts and the textbook, I make my flash cards, I highlight, I underline, put asterisks, I condense everything. These are just a few methods of revision. When in fear and doubt and when you feel you’re hanging by a thread remember these quotes:
“I will persist until I succeed. Always will I take another step. If that is of no avail I will take another and yet another. In truth one step at a time is not too difficult. I know that small attempts repeated will complete any undertaking.”
Og Mandino
The man who can drive himself further once the effort gets painful is the man who will win”
Roger Bannister
These words, dear reader, are not random. I have not just googled them to attempt to inspire you. These words have been with me for the past 8-9 years of my life and they have kept me motivated and given me determination when I was hanging by a thread.
Now is no different, the year has been extremely hard for me. Much has changed, people have come and gone but the only thing that has kept me focused, kept me going it truly University and my degree. Yes, I tell you it is hard but every tear, every time I panic, every feeling of hopelessness is worth knowing that as I revise and stay up late at night and wake up early in the mornings it is worth the struggle. Truly anything that is easy is not worth doing, hardship; troubles and obstacles when defeated will give you a sense of achievement. Always believe in yourself, strive well and hard. Toil sweat and bleed and you shall bear fruition.
Even though my head falls to the desk, and I am full of anxiety and hanging by a withering thread I know that the race is almost finished, literally just a few more yards and then we can rest.