Ever felt that no matter what you do it is never good enough? That no matter how much you try to study you will never be that smart? You will never become the master of your art? Perhaps that is the same for us all.
I try and try and try and it just keeps knocking me back but for some reason I keep on trying. Why I ask myself? There is no longer anything keeping me back. Break out and away from the status quo. Leave it all behind. Take my suitcase and just keep walking. Does the concept of life scare you? When did it all become so confusing? So complex? All so based around and on money?
For so long getting to this point has always been my goal and thankfully I have reached this far. Unfortunately to realise that or come to realise that this is perhaps not what I want.
On the Open Day I see, like I said in the previous blog so many who know and do not know what they want. But that occasionally changes, life happens. I see so many successful faces and personalities. But what makes them successful? What do you define as success? In my own one word and I guess in the view of many others it would be happiness. But dear readers, happiness is a journey not a destination (Father Alfred D’ Souza). Why so? Because happiness does not last (Buddha), nothing does, apart from perhaps love; you need to be able to fight for it. There will always be obstacles, always be hurdles, things will always get in the way and try threaten it. And our job is to fight for it, realise its worth and appreciate it.
How are we faring in this journey? I told you that I would take you on or rather attempt to share my journey with you. And I have been lucky enough to share these thoughts and experiences with you. I attempt to give hope, to bring what little light I can, to share what small knowledge I have with you.
My journey has been one filled with thorns but I am not bitter. I know there are so many people, so many others who have a worse fate than mine, people who sleep on the Earth as their bed and the clouds and the sky as their blankets, people who cannot through no fault of their own are unable to feed themselves. At least I can eat, at least I can work, at least I can study. If there is one great lesson my daddy taught me then it is this: be grateful for what you have.
Like I said I am not bitter, I am not ungrateful, I am not greedy for more, I am not complaining but I am confused, just slightly. My happiness lies in serving others. That is my only goal, the only thing that fulfils me. But the real question is how to conquer this feat? My first step is to finish my degree, difficult, extremely difficult. And then how to help? Is money really the resolution? Teach a man to fish. Words can only do so much. Yes, it will echo through the ages (Mother Teresa). The ability to inspire millions but is that enough? Deep down inside I know the answer: nothing will ever be enough. Can anything ever be enough? In a word: No. So knowing this vital piece of information, do we, I, continue on this journey which will have no end? Which will have no resolution? Again I know the answer. Yes. Why so, when it is so pointless? Because it is about never giving up for what you believe in. Tedious as it may be. Keep trying, no matter how pointless it may seem to the world, if you believe in it then keep on after it. Life is never about winning, it is about wanting to win (Vince Lombardi). It is about fighting for what you believe in. Doing the right thing.
So many people complain about how rubbish life is and I have been one of those. In that situation go talk a walk, plug some music into your ears if you can and just keep walking. Think about nothing, have no destination, just walk and then at some point it will all clear. If you cannot walk then write, sing, paint, stitch or knit or do a puzzle, you catch my drift? Life in itself is beautiful, it is situations that drive us to hate it, to despise it but situations can be controlled and influenced. Sooner or later everything will fall into place. Trust in yourself.
Much Love the Poet
R. I. P N ά N
xx
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