The first day of Uni.... What a blast!

Two exams and a coursework is there a better to return than that??

Sarcasm. As if things were not bad enough already. These are a testing time.

Let me add to it. More coursework to be set next week.

No time for sleep

No time to rest,

Not even time to think.

Everywhere you turn there is just another obstacle waiting. I never try to make these too personal but forces beyond my control are now taking hold. You’re in a ride dear reader.

The New Year is upon us and with it

It brings warmer winds, lighter days,

It promises us hope,

Rejuvenates our faith a new,

Makes our hearts race with fear

For the unknown that lies ahead

Its waters will flow with abundance

Of trouble,

And will we trudge through its murky waters,

Come through to the other side

Stronger, wiser, tougher.

The days will be blessed with laughter,

Cursed with sadness,

It’s a never ending cycle

-such is life-

It’s been a testing time

So let us leave it behind.

We’ve grown up from those days

Of innocent smiles, playful days.

Life stands before us, waiting to be taken a hold of

Waiting to be seized.

The New Year awaits,

Waits, waiting to be conquered.

Things get worse before they get better.

I had several blogs ready for Christmas and the New Year but as you can see I never had the opportunity to get them through. For shame!

This year it was a quiet affair. We had planned to celebrate the festives in Praha (Prague) but due to the snow that was cancelled. I will not lie..., this year t’was bland.

New Years Eve was spent throwing half my life into a skip and the remainder half sent to charity. Let it be of use to someone else.

Begin from scratch.

But fear not: things will only get worse before they get better.

Bring on the exams, the coursework, the illnesses, the lack of work...

Obstacles are your stepping stones.

Nothingness But Emptiness.

It sucks the edges of my heart,

Slowly nibbling its fleshiness,

Drinking the blood as if it had nothing to drink since the dawn of time.

It begins to violently chew the part of my heart that is protecting something so secret

For me to have never turned back to it.

Its making me lose my mind,

Its vampire like teeth rip into the depths of my heart,

Making blood purge out like something as beautiful as a waterfall.

Its fangs are piercing into me and its poisonous self is being released within me.

The blood has been drained out and yet I do not feel anything as painful as pain.

And yet it still has to consume the bottom of my heart with its blooded greedy mouth.

Its lips curve over the remaining red flesh, joy fills its eyes

And contempt is ridded of itself and victory lies within it.

Its teeth sink in, bit by bit. It vulcher- arises my heart taking control over me.

It has released its seeds where my heart lies.

It begins to swallow the final bite of my heart, allowing time for

The succulent, sweetness of a human’s blood to swim around in its mouth.

Emptiness is within this beast’s eyes

But yet I feel it wise.

It has taken over me and has laid on top of the seeds which it lay.

It branches out in my body

Stretching itself in my fingers, making me kill everything

That I touch.

It feels nothing but an excitement

When it does so and yet remains so calm.

It has rid my heart of past obsessions and has given me new light.

Nothingness but emptiness.

I Am Me

I may not be the prettiest.

I may have an uneven skin tone.

I have all pimples, spots and zits.

I have strangely, straw like hair.

Rarely, almost never do I go to a hair dresser.

I have split ends which I enjoy snipping with a pair of scissors.

Occasionally I may layer it and get my sister or friends to cut it; I may even cut it myself.

I am not the smartest.

I am not academically gifted.

I have even re-taken A Levels and even a module at Uni.

I, at times, say, many times, say dumb things and get laughed at

And told off.

I have weird expressions.

I may laugh and smile to myself which others find bizarre.

I speak to myself out loud.

I make many mistakes and I am stubborn like an ass.

I may scream, yell, swear and argue as if possessed.

I may cry, throw tantrums and even stamp my feet.

Just as sweet as chocolate, I can be bitter like the saltiest sea.

But all this just makes me... Me.

“....Love Who You Are....”

The Poet

Whilst The Homeless Man....

Whilst we enjoy all this marvellous snow, playing, fighting, taking pictures; whilst we commute in the warmth and with the masses towards our small, warm homes take a moment to think of the homeless man. Think and feel of the bitter, harsh nights they spend on the frozen, ice cold floor.

Whilst we warm our hands on hot chocolates, tea and coffee... think of the hands of the homeless man. Think and feel the frost bite.

He has nothing to keep him warm, to keep him safe.

Whilst we stuff ourselves on food in fancy restaurants, take a moment whilst walking past the lonely, homeless man and feel his hunger... turn back, offer him food. And yes, it is better to teach him to fish but feed his hunger and you give him energy to fight, to survive, to live the next day. Whilst going on your journey though life take a moment to have compassion, empathy, mercy.

Give warmth, give shelter, and give love.

Remember that person which all life has forgotten and bring him back some life. One act of kindness goes so far.

Do not forget that whilst we are so fortunate there are those out there who are unlike us. Destiny has been cruel to them so let us never forget.

And to you dear Cynic!! Think not that they may squander you kindness on cigarettes, drugs, alcohol etc instead find the solution offer food or a hot drink, a pair of gloves. Mankind is not all so evil.

Have hope dear child!

Boo & Be

How frustrating I have misplaced the other blog that I had prepared but fear not my thought shall never cease to flow. These last few weeks have been packed with revision and work. Exams and coursework loom over me like a dreaded grey cloud that refuses to pass over.

At the start of this I had told you, dear child, that I would take you on a journey through life and all of its vast beauty and its ugliness. How is it so far?? Is the message getting across? I can only do this whilst reflecting on personal experiences.

EU coursework is due. The paper version lies in front of me. I should hand it in but I refuse till this is done. My brain aches to write something of use.

Already half the year has passed and so much has happened. I have become independent, stronger than I could ever hope to be. There have been plenty of times when life gets too much. Times where I have felt close to the end but here I am standing strong.

Where am I going with this, I hear you ask. Well I have mentioned to not rely on anyone, it is not an easy task once your trust has been shattered just once too many times but there are people out there who regardless of their idiotic, thoughtless comments are there and will remain beside you and continue to stand beside you even whilst you are going through hell and even when you spurn them away. They will remain standing in your shadow waiting for you to fall so that they can catch you in their arms.

So for this week’s blog I dedicate this to Boo & Be.

Who are they? They are the two halves of my heart. When I come crumbling down, when all else shatters like glass... they remain my roots, keeping me strong when the wind blows to harsh. They are the sun and the moon keeping my path alight. They are the ones I am ever staring at basking in their light. And yes, they can be foolish in their words, their actions will never meet what their hearts intend but I cannot be blind to everything they have given me. Likewise for you dear child, you may refuse to believe in the people around you but open up your eyes and let your heart embrace the truth.

These two are the ingredients which make up me. July2007 when my world was crushed yet again, when I had truly given up, when education, music, even those quotes I share with you could not save me it was Boo’s hug that kept my hope alive.

“Hope is one of the things that you cannot live without...”

~Leroy Douglas~

Sometimes in life no words are necessary.

And dear child let me tell you it was enough to keep me going, enough to keep me alive. And now here I am standing tall before you. There are a few people who will say its nothing. And yes, it is hard to ignore such time wasters but continue to fight and you will rise higher.

So to my dearest heart Boo Ninu, thank you for everything. It is a cliché but there are no words to express just how much I love you.

The world is blessed to have your beauty in its presence.

Poem - Someone Coulda Told Me

Someone coulda told me

That this was the way

It was gonna be.

I thought I could live it through,

I thought I knew.

Someone coulda told me

What I was getting into

I knew it like the back of my hand.

Who was I kidding?

Someone coulda told me,

That this was it.

I thought I recognised it.

I was given a different sight.

Someone coulda told me

I came in wrong

I thought “how could I ever be wrong?”

It was slapped on my face, I could never be right.

Someone coulda told me

What this was all about.

To me it was just monopoly

But then I realised the difference:

It was monopoly without the laughs,

Without the light.

Someone coulda told me,

That this is our cruel fate.

Someone coulda told me

That this was just and only life

-          It was no “biggy”

Some people said

“What you crying about?”

Others said “Told you so”

And one strange, individual came and said

“The only way out is death”

Now I stand, stare and say

“ Someone coulda told me...”

~The Poet~