My Affliction

I know I said the next blog would be dedicated to my lovely tutors but I really wanted to talk about something that has been bugging me for quite a while now. And that marvellous topic is depression. For several years now I myself have become a victim to this and it is monstrous. Lately however I have been attempting to be more proactive in trying to overcome this and like everything else it is not easy. And it is not as if once you overcome it it will be gone forever far from it. Any little trigger can bring it all back on again.

There are many times when even walking seems too difficult but one must push past the negative thoughts. Depression is not something to be overlooked and after talking to my tutor I realise that people do take it seriously much more so than me – the one with the affliction.

Some of you may know what it is all about and others may not. Many people “suffer” from this. It hinders absolutely everything, physical pain can usually be overcome but when there is this emotion inside you it darkens and dampens everything. Every small task becomes excruciatingly difficult. Facing the world just is not an option, I know from experience that I would much rather hideaway locked inside beneath the duvets.

The things that will bring you back up will always appear daunting. Simple things like seeing a friend, taking a walk, cooking (I love to bake) are what will bring you up again.

Again I don’t mean to preach but I always seem to, sorry about that but writing is one of the ways that helps me out. Somehow my fingers and heart just type away and everything seems to flow out.

There are times when your heart is continuously pounding and worried for no reason. You hide away from family, friends, uni/school and work when in fact the avoidance makes it all the more worse. As hard as it may be there are people out there who genuinely care and will do what they can to help.

A few weeks ago after speaking with my tutor I finally handed in my self- referral form for counselling. Usually I don’t talk about myself much; the personal side of things that is, but like I said this topic is really close to me and is something I want to share so that you all know – for lack of a better phrase- that help is at hand. The first appointment I was given I could not attend and after going through a lot of dates the lady making the appointment was so very nice to me and I finally have an appointment for next week.

You may ask why am I depressed but J that is something I won’t share.

Sometimes it may appear that those with their heads screwed on most tight, who seem to be perfectly focused are the ones to be suffering from this affliction but that is not always the case.

As hard as it is for those of you in the same boat make sure you try to remain proactive. The smallest of things make the biggest of differences.

Here is a link to our university’s counselling service:

http://www2.gre.ac.uk/study/support/counselling

The Million Shades of Grey

The rant below is partly my reflection inspired of what I saw in courts today. I hate living in the knowledge that there is so much suffering around us and that it seems barely anyone cares and even if we do the big fat cats do what they can to ignore and suppress that voice. 

The world has enough wealth to sustain the whole population. For each person to have a roof over his head, be fed and clothed comfortably but because we live in a selfish money orientated, materialistic society the rich just get richer and the poor just get poorer. No longer can you just raise some cash and pay for your property or land. Nooo! One must take out a mortgage and pay extortionate amounts laden with interests so that all the fat cats can be fed. If you rent then you will still be paying a laughable amount of money and in the end the landlord could not care less. There maybe thousands of faults such as broken windows, damp, lack of hot water, cracked roof etc but they could not be bothered.

Day in and day out thousands upon thousands are being made redundant through no fault of their own and whilst they are innocent, hard working and grafting and scrimping and saving for every penny to get by the fat cats just get fatter. A company may go bust, lose all of its assets and money but directors get off scot free. They will lose nothing (refer to Salomon v Salomon). Of course this is just said having read cases and seeing first hand people hanging on to all that they have by tips of their fingers nails.

Before they teach you anything at school they teach you first how to say please and thank you, they teach you to not use your fists then you grow up and you realise everything was a big fat lie because in the adult world they do not use fists, no, they instead use a creative variety of guns and bombs and have wars.I believe our society is the way it is because people are only important depending on what is in their wallets, only high profile people are given high consideration whilst the rest of us rot and even whilst the few good people try their best to help the rest out the big fat cats will do whatever they can send them back down.

Take a good look around you.  How many people know what the word empathy means? In our third year there are 100+ yet how many of us truly know what it is to empathise? I am not saying I am great etc, far from it but there is a lot that could be changed in all of us. 

 “The world has enough for everyone’s need, not everyone’s greed.”

~Gandhi~

When you are young everything everyone teaches you is black and white. And then unfortunately when you grow up the curtain is slowly lifted and the reality, the truth is revealed and all you can see is a million shades of grey. 

For more information on these issues check out:

http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs311/en/

http://www.worldhunger.org/articles/Learn/world%20hunger%20facts%202002.htm

(The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the University of Greenwich - Ed.)

Journey To Court

Dreadful start to the day. Despite checking over and over again on how to get to Bromley North Rail Station nothing went according to plan. TFL being as useless as it is gave me the wrong information for the third time now. Getting to London Bridge was not a problem. TFL informed me to take a train towards Grove Park and then get off at Bromley North Rail. Utter nonsense! Why? Because as I found out, much to my dismay, I had to get a shuttle service from Grove Park. In my head I asked “What on earth is a shuttle???” okay fine I thought, annoyed but not that bad because I could still make it on time. Waiting for the 9:14 I think it was train via Grove Park it arrives a minute early, even better. Get on train and then disaster, no lie the information box thing changes and says something else as the next destination. Am not blind nor am I a liar but something seriously went wrong today. So then I try to get off and guess what the door slams shut in my face. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I should have changed to an academic subject ahem.

Next stop Lewisham which took around 15minutes to get there. So on arrival it is time to find yet another person to hopefully provide the correct information as to how on Earth I am meant to get to BNR whilst containing my anger and frustration which of late has been increasing due to the sheer number of rude people there are. So Mr Man that works there says to get the 9:34 from Platform 2. Now at this point I am seriously considering calling the office and telling them that I am sick. Instead I get the other line to the office from a friend and inform them that I will be late despite having barely any credit and what is more my other line keeps automatically rejecting private calls, me being the bimbo that I am have no idea how to change the settings. Not much I can do despite pressing all the buttons. So the train that I am supposed to get at 9:34 turns up at 9:38. It just gets worse. Arrive at Grove Park which to me looks to be in the middle of nowhere ahem and yet again I waddle off to find someone to ask where can I get the shuttle service which turns out to just be another train so why they call it shuttle is beyond me:-S Platform 1 is far, far away from all the rest of the platforms hidden and tucked away in a small corner. By the time I get on to the shuttle service it is already 10ish. I am now more than half an hour late and could positively shoot myself. I finally arrive at BRN around fifteen minutes later and still have yet to find the court. The county court was easy to find so I go in and ask for my supervisor only to be told that she is at the Magistrates. So now in tears I plod along to the Magistrates, go through the security and ask them where can I find my supervisor they inform me to ask at General Enquiries who are rude beyond belief and say they have no idea who that is without even checking. Luckily I remember the man at the county said court six so trying my luck I went and check and huzzah!!!

Despite being ridiculously late my supervisor was an absolute star :)

(Wow that was really long)

(The opinions expressed here are the views of the writer and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of the University of Greenwich - Ed.)

Video Blog

Hey Everyone!

You will never guess what I have just been doing! Hehehehe am just laughing at myself now because it is so embarrassing! Anyhoo I was asked can’t remember the exact words but our beautiful Uzma asked if or how I would carry on with the blogs once uni is over and this is an idea I have been toying around with for a very long time. Soooo ahem we all know YouTube and how you can upload things so I thought I would try my hand at it and I made two videos and omg!!! It is so embarrassing! I don’t think I can do blogs like that. The people who do upload themselves wow they must have a lot of confidence but I don’t think I am that confident to speak as articulately as I think I can write. If I do upload them I will share a link with you all.

21^st November

On a completely different note here is a quick rant on the subject of packed trains. Ooooh indeed! I do realise that it may be peak times and people want to get home etc but I find no reason as to why some people think it is okay to pack the train so  much that there is hardly any space between us. There is no point in this! It is not very pleasant. I for one do not want to smell your perfume ahem or other odours or have your hair in my face nor do I want anyone else’s body being close too mine. Today was absolutely ridiculous. After a long day at uni the last thing anyone wants is to be ahem felt up by other passengers. Come on people!! Let us have some courtesy and decency to respect each other’s persons. Yes we all want to get home but it should not be sardine packed and to the point where we will are forced to stand on each other’s head.

We are always way too much in a rush. Rush to get to work, rush to school etc, rush to shop, rush, rush, rush. Me thinks the people of the cities have forgotten all about how to relax and joy life. Remember that you can try and make as much money as you like but one: money cannot buy you happiness, two: money cannot be eaten and three you can’t take it with you ;-) 

Mini Update!

Hi Everyone!

Feels like it has been ages since I last wrote but anyhoo things are going ok. Law is difficult as ever. For a while I was thinking of changing placement to an academic subject but I guess now that it has been a few weeks since I have been there I am getting used to it and I am in some ways learning a lot and not just about how the law works but I guess it is a glimpse into how life would be liked if I chose that path but as I have said I really don’t think I would be happy in that career sooo I have begun the process of applying for a PGCE which is as you may or may not know is usually done through a website called the GTTR. My initial thoughts are to hopefully do it part time and find some sort of job on the side as a training teacher assistant. For those of you who are familiar with UCAS the process it is very much the same. You have around four choices to pick and you will need to write a personal statement which in my eyes is always hard work.

Coursework’s are now being handed out and our very first piece is for Equity on the Constitution of trusts. Ahem yes another hard topic. Well as usual no one said it would be easy but hopefully I will manage to get through it hehe.

Family as always keeps my interest and the coursework is surrounding the issue of artificial insemination – a really tricky subject indeed. In the lectures people tend to get quite emotional etc me included though I try not to get so cloudy headed and attempt to focus on the law itself but as you will realise eventually sometimes that is a bit hard to do what with personal experiences and what not.

On a completely different note this Saturday 19^th November is Greenwich’s Open Day across all of our campuses so come along for more information regarding the law or whatever other subjects is that may interest you. We all look forward to seeing you there!

Bye Bye Law

When I first began Law I had such high hopes. This had been my dream since the tender age of twelve/thirteen and yet now in my final year after such a long and intense battle within me I realise just the let down it has been. The law is not for me and me not for it. I will work hard to finish this year off and then I can move on to what my heart calls out for. The lecturers are amazing talented people who I respect and admire with all my heart but I cannot do it. I cannot. Perhaps later on I may change my mind or the fire may be rekindled but for now my heart is set on this. For so long I have dreamt and fought so hard to do this but like I said at the beginning I wish to inspire you all and I know for sure that I cannot inspire with the law.

During my second year at university I had many privileges of working with a school environment and looking back on that I can feel how much I enjoyed it. How fulfilled it felt, how satisfying. The research now almost completely done I shall commence to make applications for a PGCE. I have also come across a really good website which enables one to look for work in a school environment as a teacher or teacher assistant etc for those of you interested here at Greenwich we do offer PGCE’s so call in or visit our website for more information.

Before starting my placement I was told that people who had previously worked there gained a lot of confidence and flourished and perhaps it is only because I have not been there for too long that I feel such dismay but I know that deep within my heart that I can no longer do this. The people there are amazing well accomplished individuals and they have all of my admiration and I hope I can give them my very best until it is all over but I know now that this is not where my heart is. For those of you interested:

http://www.academicsltd.co.uk/

To Teach or To Practise? Now that is the Question!

The question that continuously plagues my mind what I should go into as a career is Law or teaching? Hard stuff as applications for take in for the next year are open and I need to make up my mind fast. Law as you all know has been my dream for yonks but am I really cut out for it is the main question I ask myself? One of the most important thing I have learnt is to be happy life is way too short to be miserable and we must do what we can to make ourselves be happy and to spread happiness everywhere we go. But then like I usually say one must find a way to pay the bills and maintain a roof over one’s head.

As part of the ambassador scheme I have had a great many opportunities to be a mentor to those aged between 14-19 and I find it so fulfilling. To be able to spread your knowledge, expertise and experience to others is a wonderful thing. I aim to inspire. I aim to help others and the law is a great tool in which one can do that but is it really for me. As I may have mentioned before the way to change the world, make it a better place etc can be done through various means and I think for me it is probably the ability to (I think and really hope I do) to inspire, to reach deep into people’s minds and give them cause to rethink things. I think the age group I am interested in is the most fascinating. They go through so many vital changes, experience many life altering events and to have the opportunity to be there and guide and help them through it all is what I really would like to do.

But then to just give up on the law something I have been doing for the last four years of my life? Something which I have struggled but believed in so much and to just make such a big change is a huge decision.

Who knows I still have a while to go. Perhaps the best course of action is to apply for both and make my mind up later...